I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
