Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
