im drinking this country out of the recession.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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