This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
