I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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