Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
