I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
