I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
