I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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