Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
