I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
