I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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