I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
