I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
