I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
