Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
