we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
