Pants 0. Shit 1.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
