Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
