love makes seman taste better
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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