If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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