Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
