Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
