I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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