the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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