Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
