just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
