This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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