How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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