it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
