Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
