note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
