there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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