guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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