I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
