I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
