I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
