I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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