I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
