i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
