Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
