he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
