I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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