hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
