Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
