So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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