And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
