I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
