I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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