She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
