i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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