If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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