Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Welp...herpes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
