HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
