i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
