Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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