Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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