"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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