If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
