after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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