I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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