I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
